The Cost

Thousands of years ago, a lazy young fellow (let's call him Timmy) decided that he'd had enough of foraging, fishing and hunting for his own food. This lad decided that he would instead take a nice shiny sea shell he'd found while he was lounging on the beach and exchange it with the guys next door for a share of the fruit of their hard labour. By doing so, though he didn't know it yet, Timmy had opened Pandora's Box.

For this innocent act set the ball rolling on the system we still use today of assigning some arbitrary value, or cost, to items and exchanging otherwise meaningless pieces of paper to effect a trade. One could extrapolate slightly and become convinced that his actions are directly responsible for the current economic crisis, pollution, global warming, swine flu and Britney Spears!

And yet I feel a special kinship with this ancestor of mine. He was simply trying to do as little as possible to get what he wanted. That is something I can fully appreciate. But I seem to have inherited not only Timmy's disposition, but also his knack for unintended consequences - usually involving some inconvenience to those around me.

A simple 15 minute drive from A to B might get me lost while trying a shortcut and take 45 minutes, while a friend who desperately needs to use the loo sits next to me; a friend doing me a favour by taking me to get my visa renewed spends 2 hours waiting for me to get to the front of the queue, only to then be told that it was the wrong queue; I spend all night preparing to give a seminar to my supervisor's class and then oversleep, making him talk for 45 minutes about something he really knows very little about. And these aren't isolated incidents. I think that if I were to ever meet Mr. Murphy - he of the eponymous Murphy's Law - he would marvel at the realisation of his philosophy in one individual.

So it is that I have come to be 'The Cost' or Lacost. And where my predecessor dealt in shells and copper, I deal in wasted time, pent up frustration and lost opportunities. And now it's time to take this show on the web!

- Lacost

PSA: Do you have swine flu?

Its official, animals are out to get us and have declared an outright war on humanity. It started as a pre-emtive strike with mad cow disease, evolved to something much more effective with bird flu and now the pigs are getting into the act with swine influenza (also referred to as SIV). For centuries mankind had thought that they could eat the flesh of animals without consequences, that there would be no response from their prey... well now the animal kingdom is pissed off and has decided to retaliate.

What's concerning, is the way the animals' tactics are evolving. The cows (not the smartest animals around) didn't fully understand the idea of an attack, engineering a disease that only spread through their dead flesh. Dumb idea; burgers taste way too good for us to care about a little mad cow. The birds had a much better idea, creating a contagious disease that spread easily for maximum effectiveness. Now the pigs have mutated two different flu strains together to create a 'super flu' that is fully airborne and released it in a country with high levels of tourism for maximum penetration into the human population. First beef, then poultry and now pork... how long until the sheep get tired of being violated by Australians and create an STD?

The key to victory in any given war is good intelligence and this war is no different. There are enemy spies amongst us and we mustn't be fooled by them! I speak of course of the evil vegetarians. These traitors have been turned by the animals (who utilized horrific methods to enlist them, such as their 'cuteness' and our sense of morality) and hide amongst us in plain sight, filling our heads with lies and propaganda. I'm sure at this point many of you are asking... what about vegans? Are they also spies? No, they are just retarded hippies.

Meanwhile, SIV spreads across the globe like wildfire, skittish investors are running scared and every Muslim and Jew I know is screaming 'I TOLD YOU SO!' But right now there is very little that we can do except exercise caution, as we wait for a vaccine to become available. Personally I'm convinced that the cure to SIV lies in the blood of vegetarians who appear magically immune to this latest barbaric attack. However one thing is clear, the animals are out for revenge, make no mistake about it.

My philosophy? If you can't beat them, eat 'em. In the words of the great Denny Crane: 'We're carnivores. When the pilgrims landed, first thing they did was eat a few Indians.'

First time voter!

On Wednesday I participated in my first ever election... OK maybe that isn't my ink stained thumb above (I am far too lazy to post a picture of my sexy digits), but rest assured that mine bears a similar mark of accomplishment.

Your first time is something you are not likely to ever forget. You know, you hear about it from those who have experienced it in the past, but they just can't prepare you for the emotions that wash over you the first time you are there yourself. Standing in line waiting to get in, the excitement and tension was palpable, I found myself jumping up and down on the spot uncontrollably. Then came the checking of credentials... a smile flickered across my face as the little machine beeped approvingly... everything was in order. The moment that I had been waiting for had almost arrived. Then, as it happened, something that had been welling up inside me seemed to explode and left this warm glowing feeling flowing throughout my body. Little did I know that Adam Gilchrist would hit a further four fabulous sixes on that magical Wednesday evening at Newlands and each time would feel almost as good as the first.

Oh the election? I had completed my duty as a citizen a couple hours earlier. It is said that after you vote in your country's national election, there is a sense of pride, joy and patriotism that overcomes you. A real feeling of accomplishment... yea I didn't feel any of that. The process was a completely soulless affair that took all of 20 minutes and left me feeling strangely empty inside. I'm sure that some of it had to do with the fact that the winner had been decided over a year before the election actually took place, at a location that most people can't even pronounce correctly, by a small group of politicians who may or may not have the best interests of the nation at heart.

Now I'm not into politics, not at all. I'll openly admit that some of my misgivings about our president elect are most likely based on prejudice (not all my misgivings however, that shower statement still cracks me up). I'll also congratulate the man on a victory well deserved (depending on your definition of the word), because I am honestly confident that he will do a decent job. I certainly do not feel any less patriotic towards this great country than I did on Tuesday. But that hollow feeling still remains...

I'll leave you with one last thought regarding these historical elections.

Were the elections free? Definitely. Were the elections fair? Sure. But was it a truly democratic process?

This is not London or Geneva—this is Africa!

"This is not London or Geneva - this is Africa!" - that's a quote from a Newsweek article I read in September about JZ and his inevitable rise to the presidency. 

I'm no expert on politics, I'm not gonna pretend to be but I think it's the first election I've ever bothered caring about (no, i wasn't a saffer hooked on obamamamamania) and decided that I must start paying more attention to SA politics.

Well election results are slowly coming in, the ANC's sitting at exactly 67% at the moment... 

We all knew that the ruling party was gonna do it again, it's just a  question of 2/3rds or not.

Anyway, I read the Newsweek article again and I think it's worth a read. The gist of it is that despite the negative perception of jz (for many reasons), chances are that he will be able to do a good job (and he's preparing pretty well for his new role). 

Now whoever reads this must understand, I'm not sitting on the fence on this one, I registered to vote and if I was in SA, I would have, and chances are that it wasn't gonna be ANC. 

But I'm one of those people who are always optimistic for SA. (I've met some haters who are not willing to give SA a chance, looking for the first door out, but c'mon! its home! I also keep meeting saffers in aus who cringe at even the thought of SA, this makes me sad, but alas, I guess everyone has their reasons...)

Regardless of what any of us stand for politically, we must embrace the fact that SA's come a long long way in 15 years (besides Juius, he's just speshul), and i think - no, i BELIEF! that things will get better and that future is in the hands of the ANC (this isn't blind faith, if u read the article and listen carefully u'll probably see that there's method to the perceived madness of jz). I hope he proves all the haters wrong, and justifies the faith his supporters (about 7 in every 10 south africans) have in him.

 

erm, viva! :P

So it begins...

Ah, the mandatory introductory post, are you excited?

Well of course you aren't. I mean, who the hell are we? What kinda stupid name is that for a blog? What in the heavens have we done to deserve your attention? Are we even good looking enough for you to give a shit about our opinions? Why is my English so bad? I for one have never blogged before in my life (this would be me losing my blog cherry) and I've never really cared for blogging in the past (more on that later). In fact, if more than a handful of people ever read this, I would be extremely surprised.

But those who agree with the above sentiments have missed the whole point! Contrary to popular opinion, the purpose of a blog shouldn't be to attract as many hits as possible, but rather to create something unique that at least, if all else fails, adds something small to the plethora of information and collective wisdom that is the internet.

The authors of this blog have known each other for a number of years, have been through thick and thin and shared a lifetime's worth of laughs together (and continue to do so). But more importantly, we are four highly ridiculous personalities (with numerous quirks) that could hardly be more dissimilar. Great intellectuals, fabulous senses of humour, fantastic writing skills, charming personalities and fantastic asses - all of these we have none :) However, if among the four of us you don't find someone who makes you laugh/mad/think/randy then there is no hope for you whatsoever. Please proceed to your nearest medical research institute and submit yourself for human experimentation, perhaps then future generations will derive use from you :P

This blog, born out of 2am boredom, is unlikely to rock your world, but my hope is that you will return from time to time for a laugh (or the inevitable politically incorrect rant by yours truly).

So it begins...

- wifi

confidence!

Those of you that know me know that I'm quite a big fan of sports, 3 in particular: soccer, cricket and f1. I also have a habit of shouting for teams in those respective sports that are particularly frustrating to support. Unbeatable on their day, mediocre on others - Arsenal, McLaren and India.

That said, perhaps the secret of my taste in teams is the fact that I like the underdog or as I sometimes put it, "I live on the pain".

Arsenal's had a strange season so far, horrible for the 1st 3rd, awesome in the middle, now looking slightly unstable on the home stretch... excuses on our countless injuries aside, I still have some hope for us, maybe something is still salvageable from the season. Atleast we've managed to get some respect and belief back tho... 3 games against man u (incl champs league SF) and one against chelsea are the remaining spotlight games of the season, so there'll be more to come from me on those games no doubt.

India's been doing well of late, so I can only assume there's gonna be a big downturn in form (touch wood) come when it's needed - ie WC 2011. lacost -DON'T COST!

McLaren, eish don't get me started. but its still looking like the best season of f1 in a long long time (even tho last two years were amazing with the WDC decided by 1 point, the unpredictability of it all in 2009 and the impending return of the big teams later in the season makes it an awesome prospect!)

Anyway I was up at 5am today to catch the Arsenal Liverpool game, hot daym! 4-4, i couldn't belief! you can read the match report wherever, but I honestly haven't enjoyed a soccer game or and individual performance (ARShavin!) so much in a long time! shite defence from both sides helped, but go check out the highlights, lotsa fun!

I'd probably say something about the IPL and the buzz, but I'll leave that to the others who're actually experiencing it live, in aus theres not much happening wrt IPL, aus is such a fail for live sports, GMT +10 means I miss pretty much everything besides live AFL (aussie football rules) and local rugby games... shmeh =/ (as i say that I see live coverage of aus vs pakistan starting now from dubai, shmeh I think I'd rather watch simpsons reruns on Fox 8 thanks)

anyway, with my usual optimism for all my teams- let em go and own!

I'm quite confidence ^_^

a 2AM miracle

It has been about 3 years since the blog title pic was drawn up (mad graffiti skillz! although lacost might disagree), all in the spirit of random inside jokes between friends.

Gone are those varsity days at UCT but we still manage to keep in touch, I’m proposing to change the term MTV-generation to Generation Google. As sad as it may seem that google and the interweb in general makes up our major form of comms these days, what can I say, it’s easy… It just works (to quote a certain Apple Mac lover i know).

I always felt the idea of blogging wouldn’t suit me, I read a couple of blogs daily, but in terms of me writing one, I always felt that I wouldn’t be capable of keeping it up. I’d get lazy and there’re only so many people that’d give a shit about the happenings in my life and how I choose to express them.

Er, back to google, so we set up a group chat on gtalk and we crossed the topic of blogging… whereisbrotha contributor lacost has a rotting blog last updated ages ago (I’d refer you to it, but I figure no one wants to see a personal movie preview for Beowulf).

Maybe it was the 2am pre-voting air that got everyone thinking that it’d be a good idea to get one going (mind you it wasn’t’ 2am for me, I was busy looking for reasons to procrastinate at the office here in Sydney -10am).

Anyway, we figure that it might be an interesting read.

The fact that we all wanna rant and rave about different things will add some variety to the mix. I think u'll find that between wifi, lacost, jedi and me, we'll cover quite a bit.

Plus, in my case atleast, because I’m not doing this for myself alone, maybe I’ll care and put some effort into keeping it going. (hmm, sounds a lot like the effort I put into cooking then). So here we go, enjoy!

Where is BROTHA?!

The fundamental question that this blog aims to address is "Where is BROTHA?". Now this might seem perplexing to some of you, but fear not, the above rendition by our very own Ice sheds much light on this issue. Further exploring the unpredictable turns of this moebius strip of a conumdrum are Wifi and Jedi. Now just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride!

- Lacost